dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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