let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
