if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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