It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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