I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
