i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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