You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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