we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
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When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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