just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
