I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
