Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
