I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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