Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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