you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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