I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
