My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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