Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
