I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
