I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
