After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
