I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
