I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
