I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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