My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
