why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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