So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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