im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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