He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
