Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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