I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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