I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
