The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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