3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
