For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
