At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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