I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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