I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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