i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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