nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
