conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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