Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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