but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
