Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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