I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
