Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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