he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize