Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
