If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
