That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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