you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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