You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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