If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
