I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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