shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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