I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
