You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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