Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We got so high we made milksteak
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
