Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We're too hungover to prance.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
