You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
