Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
