the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
