New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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