Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
