can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
