I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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