Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
