It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
