the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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