i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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