Please, let me fuck your mom
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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