Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
