I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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