The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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