Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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