so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
