My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
