So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
